


Doesn't Seem To Be A Choice After All

by TGP



Series: Eyesight [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Embarrassment, F/M, Genderqueer!Harry, Inappropriate Erections, Masturbation, Ron beating himself up, Sex daydream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3600858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron has a moral dilemma with his penis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doesn't Seem To Be A Choice After All

**Author's Note:**

> I have very definite thoughts about the state of sexuality in the wizarding world. Specifically that there are things talked about and things not talked about and things no one admits are real. Some of that probably comes out a bit.

Ron does not think of himself as bisexual (has not, actually, even heard the term.) He has always been interested in girls, always dated girls, and when he thinks of a good time, a girl is the partner he chooses without even thinking about it. He’s never had any erotic dreams that didn’t involve female bodies, all curves and softness and needy, high pitched sounds. If he knew what the Kinsey scale was, he’d have put himself solidly at a zero.

He is seventeen and they’re in the woods and washing and Harry has no sense of decency when it comes to his body because otherwise he wouldn’t be so carefree (and how the hell was it that no one noticed what kind of body he had when he didn’t care to actually hide it?!) Ron averts his eyes as Harry drags off his shirt, tossing it over to the pile they’ll spell wash once they’re done. He tries his best to be the gentleman his mother would want him to be but as he hears the sound of water and cloth and scrubbing against skin, he keeps having to fight looking.

“Huh. That’s new,” Harry says, sounding bemused, and Ron doesn’t think about it before he looks.

Harry has both hands on his chest, cupping the distensions of his chest. Soft, lightly tan skin with darker, brownish pink nipples. They aren’t very big at all, just this side of barely noticeable, and if Ron hadn’t known Harry’s age, he’d have thought him much younger because he probably should be more developed than that (no one in their year was so small) but maybe he’s just on the small side in general- and oh Merlin, he is staring at Harry’s breasts.

Ron looks away quickly while Harry continues to examine his chest without a thought. He finishes his own wash up as fast as he can and then flees to cool down just as he hears Hermione squawk something (“Harry! _Honestly,_ stop groping yourself like that and-”) and just kind of hangs out in a rocky outcrop for a while. His cheeks feel like fire and he keeps having stupid, embarrassing thoughts like what they might have felt like in his hands, if they’d be soft like Lavender’s or firmer, more like muscle, and if Harry might shiver and pant if Ron touched his nipples, if he licked them or-

“ _Nggghhh._ ” Ron covers his face with his hands and wills the thoughts away because he doesn’t want to think about Harry that way. He doesn’t want to wonder or imagine, and he certainly doesn’t want to touch Harry that way. Even if Harry has girl parts, he’s still _Harry_ ; he’s still Ron’s best friend and brother and it is beyond rude and awful to think about touching him, holding him, sleeping with him-

Ron whimpers. He looks at his lap. He is mortified by what he sees.

Logically, because he has had _that_ talk with his father, he knows that his body is ready and willing at the drop of a hat, whether he’s actually aroused or not, and that he’s at “that age” and that there is nothing inherently wrong with what his body is doing now, it just does that sometimes (a lot) and if he gives it a little time, things will settle down and-

“Ron?”

“Aaahhh!!”

Ron jerks his legs together and stuffs his hands in his lap to hide his ridiculous anatomical snafu. Harry just blinks at him with confusion. He’s dressed again, thankfully, and the way his shirt falls makes it impossible to see he has breasts at all. His hair is slick and shiny, hanging in damp half ringlets across his forehead and over his ears and neck. It makes him look delicate and fragile. It makes him look like a girl. _Why can’t Ron stop noticing that?_

“You okay?” Harry asks when Ron stops looking at him.

“Oh yeah, fine. Just, you know, taking some time to myself. Perfectly normal.”

Harry doesn’t answer. After a moment, Ron hears the rustle of dead leaves as Harry steps closer and when he looks up, Harry’s barely two feet away.

“Did I do something?” he asks and it sounds bland and ordinary but Harry is Ron’s best friend and he can hear the anxiety behind his voice.

“No. I mean. Sort of. I mean, no.”

Harry snorts. He shifts and then squats down, resting his folded arms on his raised knees. It brings them to the same level, or would except Ron is really tall so he’s still looking down at Harry even sitting on his ass.

“I think I’m supposed to ask if you want to talk about it,” Harry says with a little smile. His lips are flat and thin but he has a nice smile, the kind that makes people rally behind him, and Ron wonders what it would be like to kiss him. He looks down.

“Uh.” Just how does he explain this...

Harry waits, giving him time, but three seconds later he jerks back abruptly and ends up on his ass instead. Ron looks up and Harry is blushing like mad. It looks pretty ridiculous.

“You’re-” Harry chokes a bit but Ron can follow the line of his sight. Ron groans, rearranges his hands over his lap. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah. Uh. Can you just-”

“Yeah. Sure.” Pause. “Why are you-”

“ _Because!_ Now can you just go and let me-”

“Wait, is that because of _me?!_ ”

Ron’s heart stops. “Are you crazy!? No!”

“Well, it’s not like it’d do that on its own! And we were just-”

“It’s _exactly_ like that! Random and stupid and in no way related to _anything_.”

Harry continues to stare at him with mortification Ron mirrors. “They _do_ that?!”

“ _Yes!_ Now bugger off already!”

Ron wants to cover his face but then he’d have to stop hiding his lap and that is not happening. It wouldn’t matter if Harry had boy parts or not, he’s not moving until Harry’s gone. Except Harry’s still sitting there, utterly stunned. It’s so stupid that Ron just can’t stand it anymore.

“How can you not know that?!” Ron explodes. “You shared a dorm with guys for six years! What did you think was happening?!”

“I don’t know! That you’re all raving sex maniacs?!” Harry yells back. “It’s not like I _have_ one! I don’t exactly have any _personal reference!_ ”

“Merlin, this is the sheets thing all over again!”

Harry goes even brighter, angrier red. They haven’t talked about that since it happened two years ago, or the screaming fight between them that Hermione barely stopped before it came to blows, or how they’d avoided each other for weeks after. It had blown over mostly because they agreed to never bring it up again.

“How is this like the sheets thing?!” Harry snarls with offense, climbing back up to his feet. “Like I had any idea that could happen! It’s not like it ever _had!”_

“How could you not know it would?!” Ron jerks up, too angry to care about propriety and wanting the height to glare down at Harry with. “Everyone knows that stuff happens to girls!”

“ _I’m not a girl!_ ”

“Well you’re not a guy either!”

“What the _hell_ is going on here?!” They both turn, panting with fury, and Hermione stares at them like they’re crazy. “Are you trying to get every evil monster in the world to find us? Because this is a terrible way to commit suicide!”

Ron wants to keep fighting because this isn’t his fault, he didn’t mean to get all- and- and Harry is so _dumb_ , what the hell?! Hermione reaches up and grabs an ear of both of them, yanking them down to her level roughly (Ron thinks this is doubly unfair because of the full foot and a half he has on her while Harry only has a couple inches.)

“I don’t care what this is about,” she growls low in her thought, eyes switching from one to the other every few seconds. “If you idiots don’t keep your voices down and stop broadcasting our location to heaven and earth, I’ll stupify the both of you and leave you here. Understand?”

Harry nods with half veiled resentment and Ron just glares at her stonily. This is not his fault and he really wants to punch Harry in his stupid face.

Hermione lets go of them. “Harry, camp. _Now_. Ron? Take care of your problem.”

Only then does she show any hint of embarrassment about his situation. Ron himself is absolutely, utterly mortified. He can’t look at her or even Harry, just listens to the both of them leave. A stiffy in front of Harry is one thing – embarrassing but survivable. One in front of Hermione, _that she actually acknowledges?_ Dear Merlin, just kill him now.

Ron groans and slides a hand down his face before glaring at his offending anatomy. This is so unfair. He’s still- _ugh, why?_ He hopes this kind of thing stops soon. He’s so sick of it.

He sits down again, knees drawn to his chest, but that puts pressure where he can’t handle it right now and he ends up throwing them out straight, like a gauntlet being thrown. His pants remain stubbornly tented.

He thinks about punching Harry and then he thinks about kissing Harry and that just makes him more angry, but it doesn’t stop his mind from going on to touching Harry and- and maybe Hermione too. Maybe he could just kiss Hermione a lot and cup her chest in his hands and let Harry touch him, jerk him off. Maybe he could take Harry’s mouth to get him back for this.

Ron’s anger bleeds away as the daydream grows more vivid. He thinks about Harry’s thin lips spread around his dick and the warm softness of his tongue and how it’d feel to have his fingers curled tight in Harry’s messy hair. He thinks Harry might even love it. And Hermione, he thinks she might watch and maybe he could bite her collar and leave a mark on her skin, maybe he could slide his fingers into her.

He gets his pants open, stuffs a hand down in them to gather himself, and he shivers from the relief of touch. He imagines Hermione’s the one wrapping her fingers around him. He thinks about she and Harry kissing while she does that, thinks about palming one of Harry’s breasts and rubbing his nipple between his fingers. He thinks about them using their mouths on him, together, kissing each other against him.

It’s almost a disappointment how quickly he manages to finish off. Except then he’s absolutely disgusted with himself for what he imagined. He doesn’t know how he’s going to look at either one of them after this and they still have horcruxes to find and destroy.

Sighing a bit, Ron cleans himself up and goes to face his embarrassed doom.

\----

The nice thing is that since he doesn’t mention what happened, they don’t either. It still takes him days to look at them in the face again.

The more pressing issue is that Ron keeps having vague daydreams here and there about Harry. Nearly as many as he’d already been having about Hermione, the ones he pretends don’t exist because she doesn’t like him that way and he only recently figured out that he likes _her_ that way, and isn’t that a depressing realization?

Anyway. He keeps thinking about Harry and that worries him a lot. Ron’s always liked girls and Harry is... Harry is weird. Harry is a boy with girl parts and there is nothing about him that’s girly, at least that Ron has ever noticed, and there is no reason for Ron to think about him or his breasts or how hot and wet he might be inside-

He groans and beside him, Harry and Hermione give him matching curious looks. Ron waves them off and is thankful he manages to cut off those thoughts before anything could happen. They drop it without fanfare.

Anyway. Harry is not a girl and Ron only likes girls so he can’t like Harry that way. If he thought of Harry like that, it meant he thought of Harry as a girl and Harry would be upset with him. Even if Harry is the source of many of his woes, Ron doesn’t really like when they fight. It makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable because he knows the life Harry has lived and that most if not all of it wasn’t Harry’s fault. So this is doubly upsetting because of how he might mess things up.

He tries to tell himself it’s just a fantasy, like his dad warned him he might have about people he knew whether he wanted to sleep with them or not, but something about that doesn’t feel right. He isn’t sure why.

In the end, he just decides Harry is the exception to his girls only rule. Harry tended to be anyone’s exception, when he thought about it. Exception in hand, Ron relaxes and just resolves to never let Harry know these thoughts occurred to him at all.


End file.
